This weekend, I conducted a workshop on growing character traits in children.  It seemed that there was a consensus that many of our teachers are dealing with disrespectful behaviors in children.  Some said not only children but often they encountered disrespectful parents as well.   If you pay attention to our news media and entertainment television series, you will find that being disrespectful is the norm.  There seems to be little respect for someone if they have a different opinion than ours.  You do not have to be disrespectful to someone who has a different idea than you do.  It is possible to disagree with someone and still be respectful!  Our children are just products of the times and environment in which they live.  Children live and become what they see and experience in their environment. 

            So, what can we do to change things?  What can we do to instill respect within our young children and to grow that character trait?  First look at ourselves, teachers and parents.  Do we talk with others and about others in a respectful manner?  What are our children hearing?  Do we remain calm in all situations?  Do we constantly raise our voice to our children?  What are we allowing our children to view on television?  Is it respectful?

            When working with children I think it is important to first teach what respect it.  It is simply treating others with positive feelings, words and actions.  In other words, the Golden Rule, treat others as you would like to be treated!  We must remember that no one is perfect, adults or children.  Our goal should be to try to present our best selves to everyone.  Just imagine a world, where everyone treated each other with respect and love for one another.

Montessori believed that we could change the world through educating the children to be peaceful, loving individuals.   In such a world there would be no more wars or fighting between countries or within them.   Aristotle said, “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all,” and “we are what we repeatedly do.”  Children need consistent, repeated, short lessons about virtues, such as respect in order to “absorb” them into their personality. 

Teaching respect begins with teaching manners!  There is a simple saying…. “Good manners are just a way of showing other people that we respect them!”  Little lessons on saying, “please, thank you, excuse me, bless you, yes ma’am and yes sir.”  But it is more than words, it is controlling the emotion of anger and the ability to control ourselves when we do get angry.  Usually children and adults are disrespectful when they become angry.  So lessons on being calm, and cooling down when we do get angry are important for young children. 

These lessons can come in the form of literature that we read to children and teachable moments.  These are moments in which the child practices the manners discussed and read about.  We can discuss with children that we need to be ‘respectful’ to places, things and people.  Being respectful to places is simple such as not throwing trash on the ground and walking on sidewalks rather than the grass.  Being respectful to things is to not throw objects and being careful not to break things.  Being respectful to people involves being kind and using our manners. 

We cannot leave the important virtue of respect to be absorbed by chance in everyday situations.  It is my belief that we must be intentional and plan lessons to aid our children in becoming respectful.  Some basics to remember and teach are:

1.  Demonstrate respectful behavior yourself

2.  Avoid over reacting when children get disrespectful

3.  Praise and acknowledge respectful behavior

4.  Talk it over when children to get angry

5.  Teach polite manner phrases

6.  Teach children to wait their turn

7.  Demonstrate & teach listening to others

8.  Teach children to not interrupt

9.  Discuss using inside voices

10.  Teach children to compliment others

Above all, unconditionally love children even when they are disrespectful.  Remember no one is perfect and we all make mistakes.  Forgive and forget!  Each day is a new day and a new opportunity to do better than the day before.  Let’s all strive to be more respectful, kind and loving and we can change the world around us.

“He who loves others is constantly loved by them. He who respects others is constantly respected by them.” – Mencius